


Series Twenty-two and a Half

by gregorianpeas



Category: Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Deliberate Badfic, M/M, deliberately bad art
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 03:25:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3594564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gregorianpeas/pseuds/gregorianpeas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Many things go on that are unexpected!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Series Twenty-two and a Half

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tarash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarash/gifts).



> jeremey would never bend over for an ugly truck. and sim and oz havge way more talent than some sad sack hotboys - sorry ur so jeaolous. ~~hope you hate this liek i hate u~~. :) :) :)

Jeremey eyed the big butch truck in _disgust_. He couldnt believe they had travelled all across Hawaii together and the truck had never mentioned it wanted to fuck him before. (trucks r gross lol)  
"I'm literally so disgusted by you right now, I think I'd rather look at a Range Rover," he said to the truck, crossing his arms.  
The truck's bonnet clanged shut in disappointment and it's headlights dimmed. Even it's massive rubbery tires seemed to deflate. (trucks might have feelings, im not sure tho)  
But Jerememy remained firm.  
Sleek sassy sports cars where the **only** cars he fucked. (like everyone knew!) And even then they had to be in the top half of his wall of cool to stand a chance. (duh) Who did the truck think it was? A glittering Maserati? (not likely, jeremeey knew every maserati in town by name)  
He didn't even care if the truck blabbed to the Mail like the last ten-tonner who propositioned him. (the press is so evil omg)  
He shook his head in disappointment and picked up his phone to call the agency. Only a hot little lotus with a custom interior would take the nasty taste out of his mouth after such a day!  
-

"Oh yay," said Richurd, sarcasticaly, many miles away. "It's that turd Jeremey on the phone again. Probably whining that the agency won't send him more than three cars a day. Hold on a second, I'll be right back."  
The Stig pouted, it's alien tendrils drooping in disappointment. His beautiful top Richard had been giving him the fuck of his life, but now he was gone again, off to deal with all the people he loved more. (bet the stig loves richurd's giant cock lol)  
Many singular crystalline tears dribbled their way out of the Stig's three-pronged penis as he weeped internally. (hot)  
Every time he managed to persuade Richard to pound his horny cum hole, something went wrong! If only there was a way to win Richard's affections forever. But he knew there was not...  
-  
"Holy fucking hell," James swore as he politely fellated Oz's quivering man meat. "I think I can taste hints of oak, maybe some jasmine. You're right, Oz. This was a great idea. Choke me a little harder?" (james loves his wine cum so much)  
Oz complied, grabbing himself a handful of James' fearsome mane and thrusting his giant protusion deeper.  
"Unf," James said, mostly through his nose. "Yes, yes, I'm getting a hint of lapsung-smoked salmon."  
Oz rolled his eyes and gestured for Sim to bring more wine over.  
They had to down four or five bottles a day to keep James satisfied now. Ever since the horny presenter had left television to suck cock full time, he had gotten twice as demanding. (may is such a cockwhore you wont persuade me otherwise okay)  
Sometimes it felt like James would only be satisfied once he had drained the lifeforce out of them through their dicks, but that couldn't be the real truth. COULD IT? (yes)  
-  
The head of the BBC watched the scene from his throne in the spaceship, grinning with maleveloent glee. Ever since he had sprinkled the sweet alien pollen over everyone's cereal they had started to give into the darkest parts of theier inner psyche. Bending over for exhaust pipes, frantically sucking cock, or getting lost in the Stig's clingy embrace --- slowly they would all succumb to madness. (plot twist lol)  
Then, the last one standing, he would rise and take their place. All the world would bow before him and he would take over as the One True Presenter of Top Gear forever.

**Author's Note:**

> don't forget to tell me how much you liked


End file.
